“Sexy, sassy, and filled with so much adorable awkwardness you can't help but be Team Olivia from the very first page. One of H.J. Bellus' best to date!”
–JILLIAN @ Read-Love-Blog
★SYNOPSIS★
The ocean...October, outdoors, orange... All O's that sneaky damn letter.
I need the O. Crave the O, even dream about the bastard.
My name is Olivia and this is my virgin diary. Yep, at the ripe age of 24 I'm single and O-less. And to top it all off, with a shiny cherry, I'm a first grade teacher.
Not much hope meeting Prince Charming in my workplace.
I live with my hyper Yorkie and wild imagination. And I despise the letter O.
Follow Olivia Olander in her wild and hysterical journey as she hunts down the elusive O.
She may hate the obscure O now, but Officer Oren O'Brien hasn't lit up her world.
Will Olivia ever learn to love the O or be cursed with its lingering presence the rest of her life?
Find out in the virgin diaries.
★PROLOGUE★
Dear Diary,
Sweats, check. An ample supply of new movies for the weekend, check. A box of powder doughnuts, check. Pedro on my lap gnawing on a rawhide. This is it, my life in a nutshell. I’m a loser with a teaching degree and a wild desire to be swept off of my feet by Prince Charming. Not only do I want to be swept off my feet, I want him to pound me into next Tuesday. He needs to ride me like he stole me and toss my V card right out the window.
For now, it’s the damn “Notebook”, junk food, and my dog.
Love, O
★REVIEW★
This was a laugh out loud type of book, with the witty one liners and the comedy that we can all somehow relate to- vibrator talk with your best friend, guys walking in on your not so glamorous moments, kids that embarrass us....it was all present. You definitely will love it, Olivia and her antics as she tried to obtain the elusive O will have you in pastiches, guaranteed. One of my favorite reads so far in 2016 and the funniest I have read in years, The Big O deserves 5 O's for Outstanding! ~ Kellie for Eye Candy Bookstore
★PURCHASE★
★GIVEAWAY★
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★EXCERPT★
The walk seems to have worn out Pedro. He lays perched at the bottom of my bed soaking up the little bit of sunlight streaming through the window. I forgo eating due to nerves and pour a glass of wine after nearly elbow dropping the top of the bottle to get the cork out. Who knew a simple machine was so damn difficult to use?
At first the tartness of the wine makes me shiver but then soon, a sweet spray dances over my tongue.
“Not bad,” I say to myself and down the glass.
The stage is set. A hot bubble bath, a full wine glass, bottle of wine, light mood music, candles, and then…the massive purple plastic cock who is about to give me my first screaming O. I locked Pedro in his kennel because there’s no way I could handle him watching me rub this one out or at least try to.
The water stings my skin as I sink down into the tub. My favorite sweet scent of bubble bath assaults my senses as I melt back into the tub. I sip down another glass of wine, relaxing even more with Norah Jones singing in the background. I was smart enough to keep the bottle in reaching distance for refills.
My fingers can barely wrap around the girth of the vibrator. How in the hell is it supposed to fit inside me? I giggle to myself when I realize I’m holding the damn thing like a microphone near the tip of it.
“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the virgin diaries starring Olivia Olander who’s currently O-less and in desperate search for The Big O.”
I belly laugh like a crazed idiot after my entertaining stance. I down one more glass of wine and then dial up Scout for one last burst of encouragement.
“Scout,” I purr into the phone.
“Sup, ho-bag?”
“Just floating in the tub, slamming wine, and about to get it on with Tony the Tiger.”
She squeals a tone deafening pitch into the phone before creating any coherent speech. “I’m so proud of you, O. Just make sure to get used to the vibrating speeds before full insertion and once in, set the twirl mode to level three and you’ll be flying high.”
I feel like I should be taking notes instead of nodding and sipping my adult grape juice. The influences of the wine have me fully accepting her advice instead of flushing with embarrassment and running away.
“I think I got this, Scout.”
“Get it, girl.” She laughs into the phone. “How much wine have you pounded?”
“Like only half a bottle, but it’s one of those jumbo ones.”
“You do realize that’s like three bottles in one, right?”
“Is that bad?” I belch before getting out the last word.
“Don’t drink anymore and just get down and dirty.”
A beep sounds on my phone. I pull it away to look at the screen. “Gotta go, Scout, Hot Cop is calling me.”
“O don’t you dare take it.”
“Bye.” I click over to the next call, giddy as a little kid in a candy shop.
“Hello.” I try to purr in my sexiest of sexy voices.
“Hey Olivia.” His rich voice sends shivers down my spine and I swear they land right between my legs. I tingle.
“Everything okay? I swear there were cop carzz everywhere.”
Shit, did I just slur one of my words into the phone? I sit up a bit taller in the water and try to pay attention. The cool air perks my nipples right up.
“All is good, Olivia. There were two different things going down, that’s why there were so many cars everywhere.” He pauses and I hear the cracking slam of a few doors shutting.
“What are you doing?” I ask out of curiosity.
“Just got home and ready to crash, but felt bad the way I left you today.”
“I get it. It’s your job. No worries. I’m not a needy person, Oren.”
“Just trying to be a gentleman to my new non-dating friend.” His voice muffles for a second and then becomes clearer.
“What are you doing now?” I ask.
“Just took my shirt off, getting ready to kick my boots off, and drink a brewski before hitting the hay.”
“So you’re topless?” My nipples stiffen instantly picturing Oren shirtless.
“Yeah.” He chuckles. “You interested?”
“Possibly.”
Oh those tingles intensify to a mind numbing state. I can do this. I can really do this with Oren’s voice fueling my desire.
“Picture?”
“Duh,” I promptly reply.
“Give me a second. Oh, and Olivia, we still on for Friday?”
“Fucking A we are.” I slap my hand over my mouth when the bold words fly out. Note to self: less wine.
His deep chuckle vibrates through the phone. “The answer I wanted.”
“Before we say goodbye, give me a second.”
“Okay, I need to whiz real quick.”
Holy shit, he’s about to be holding his big gigantor wiener in his hand. Baby Jesus, don’t let him be packing light.
“Alrighty then, I’ll be right back.”
I set down my cell phone on the edge of the tub and stare down Tony. And then sing “Let’s get it on” to him. It’s the biggest move of my life and I’m about to become a full-fledged woman and if things do ever go further with Oren, I’ll be ready.
His deep voice snaps me out of my hypnotic stare with Tony.
“I’m here,” I holler. I down the remaining wine in my glass grab my phone and then Tony with the other hand. “Thanks for the call tonight, Officer Hot Cop.”
I plunge Tony down into the water, fumbling for the buttons. His edges are a bit more rigid then I remember as I try to softly rub him up and down my clit. It’s the first step to strum my clit-tar.
“Oren, you there?”
It’s silent on his end; boy, he must have a huge bladder or maybe tired out from holding up his monster cock.
“Oren?” I try again while still strumming away and by the way, it’s an awful feeling. Very abrasive indeed.
My phone begins to vibrate in my hand and then furiously twirls while vibrating. I pull my phone from my ear and come face to face with fucking Tony the Tiger. I was talking to a damn vibrator with the tip of the cock to my ear.
“Oh fuck,” I squeal, pulling my phone from between my legs, soaked in my favorite scent of bubble bath and dripping water.
★ABOUT THE AUTHOR★
I am just a simple country girl getting one story out of my head at a time. I was raised in small town, USA and still reside there with my husband and children. I am a huge country music fan and am inspired by it everyday. I live and love country life, and you will find those elements in my books. I also adore strong and brave lead female characters, and strive to be a courageous and independent woman in everyday life. In my opinion, life is no fun without a good sense of humor, sprinkles, cheese whiz, and candy. It is the simple things that warm my heart.
Live life your way,
Live life your way,
HJ Bellus
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